I wrote about my dead dad on the internet then someone stole it
Oh, boo hoo, right? Someone stole some of my writing and passed it off as their own—the tale as old as time. People often rip off ideas, writing, products, and businesses. I recall writing something similar to someone I had been learning from over a decade ago. She asked me to take it down.
Me: "Oh wow, so sorry, my bad."
Sometimes, it's an honest mistake, a lack of knowledge about ideas and copyright. It is usually straightforward because there is proof; sometimes, it's questionable if it's concept-based.
Was I embarrassed? Of course, I was. I was in my mid-twenties, finding my voice and figuring out life. Was I receptive? I was apologetic, owned it and moved on. We see a thought or a piece of writing that goes into our brains, and then we forget where it came from. And there will always be a cross-over creation. I am not ego-driven enough to think of myself as the one and only person who has contemplated grief in writing form. Many grief metaphors and concepts are for the commons, as they should be.
That experience of copying someone else's work a little too closely made giving credit where credit is due vital to me. I never wanted to be someone who stole from others, even if it was innocent enough, and still didn't make it okay. If you make a mistake, fix it, but that is open to debate, even with solid evidence to the contrary these days. It seems we are in the era of DARVO, "deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender" in all aspects of life.
As for me and the person who plagiarized my writing from 2021 to now, it was blatant, and yes, I have receipts. Where I got my guts in a knot— something that hits differently: when the plagiarized writing is about your deceased loved ones, it becomes a bit more personal. This isn't a product rip-off. This isn't website copy, even though that also sucks. A protective layer is installed when people fuck with our dead for someone else's profit, clout or attention while also lacking responsibility for taking for themselves what isn't theirs to take.
An example of extreme exploitation of grief and loss that comes to mind is Alex Jones and what pain and stress he caused to grievers for years because of his delusions, conspiracy theories and harassment of the parents of deceased children from the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
Trust or faith in others erodes quickly when it happens to this extreme. This is something so vile, it's hard to fathom, but a similar vein of hijacking someone else's pain and grief, although it's not comparable in measure of stress and pain and actual harm. Alex did profit off people's pain, which is also what this person who plagiarizes does on a microscopic scale.
In 2021, a conversation was had between her and me that went something like this,
Me: "Hi, these are my words."
Screenshot, proof of that
Her: "Hey, I'm so sorry I posted that. I just jotted notes in to my phone as that's how I normally come up with ideas as they come to mind. I took it down, but can you please send me the post that is similar."
Me: "It's literally the exact same"
Her: Wow, I am incredibly sorry. I really didn't intend on saying what you said. I write notes in my phone every night and didn't even try to copy you whatsover. I wouldn't ever do that. So sorry. I write about grief of my ______ and didn't even try to copy you. I removed them.
Me: "You mean to tell me you didn't see this post of mine? Like truly, I prefer honesty"
Her: I wrote notes of inspiring things I see all the time of course it helps me heal and give me helpful insight but I wasn't trying to copy you. I'm not lying. I write to really heal myself not hurt others."
Me: So you did see my posts?
There was much more to the conversation, mostly me consoling her and saying, "It's alright, and let's fix it together. "
It was hard for her to contest that she didn't plagiarize as I continually sent over my writing next to hers, which was the same.
I sent her one last one as she played innocent.
Her: "Did I do that as well?"
Me: "I am going to let you answer this for yourself at this point."
Her: "I'm just going to delete my page"
Me: "Not the answer here."
As she spiralled into shame, I offered to help her find her own voice. She took down the ones I asked her to take down. But a few of her posts stood out to me in 2023, which someone brought my attention to. Some words changed slightly, but the tone and style remained the same. She had done it again. When someone plagiarizes you once, you will keep an eye on it. I decided to leave it alone in 2023; however, my writing garnered 15k likes and loads of comments for her, and since she is now a grief coach making an assumed profit, I was a little more pissed than usual. She reposted it a few days ago, and that's when I shared my frustrations on my page. It's also when I discovered it wasn't just me. She had been doing this to others as well.
2025 conversation went a little something like this:
DOUBLE DOWN, DENY, called me dude, very condescending, deflected, saying she couldn't copy my writing because I have her blocked, when in reality, I didn't block her for years, and people reshare my writing on their pages and stories. I kept asking if she wanted to take a minute to scroll up to refresh her memory of our last conversation. She was not receptive. There are no apologies this time, that's for sure. It was a bad-faith argument, so I bowed out.
I try to be precise with language. I don't think overstating harm is the move here, nor do I want people to fly to my aid and "go after" this person. Did this activate me? Yes, I lost sleep over it, and I do not appreciate people being rude to me over something wrong they did, or making money or building a platform off of lies, but that is for her to grapple with.
In no way do I have ill will towards this person; it's disappointing and has been a simmering frustration for years. But I'm not being harassed or harmed; I am just profoundly fucking annoyed and saddened by it all. When a fellow griever, someone you think should get it, doesn't, it hits deep. It's careless and lacks respect for who and what it came from. I wrote those words about my dad, friend, and grandmother. I wrote them in my darkest hours. I wrote them from a place of survival. I wrote them for myself and other people who were grieving, too. Not for someone to take and slap their name on my pain.
Grief is sacred. Writings on the subject are, too, for those who take what isn't theirs, like a grief scavenger or a hungry ghost who feeds from others' pain and healing, then taking no accountability. It's a tricky thing to swallow because
What is this really for? Because taking from other grieving humans won't heal your heart.
What is it really for? Community built off of false pretences or for clout?
What is it really for? Money?
Only the person plagiarizing, getting caught, and continuing to do so can answer that one.
And what does it matter in the end? People will continue to take from others without repercussions and build their work, community, and business based on lies, but those following wouldn't know that. I sound like a disgruntled person with an axe to grind to some, and that's okay. I am tired of it all, so I deactivated all my social media accounts for a time. Look at what is happening on the grand stage: our political landscape and these divisive times. Kindness, even truth is out for some.
There is a disconnect, disembodiment, and a steep price at which some people are willing to pay to use others for their gain, called integrity. I have compassion and empathy for someone who feels the need to do this sort of thing in the face of evidence. I am used to this kind of behaviour from fellow white women, and for all the reasons people take from others in this way, it's a brutal way to live.
We live in the era of "If you can get away with it, why not?"
There is nothing wrong with finding writing that resonates, but passing it off as your own and building a career or platform from that place is a choice, and social media is a breeding ground for this. I know some people think that because it's grief, it is sacred ground; people need to be better and act better in our community, and I will say this with my chest: It's simply not true. People are people no matter what the subject or community. Grief is no different, sadly.
Some say this is the price for sharing your work over social media. Grow a thicker skin, some say; overculture says to shut up and take it, just be better. Here's what I will repeat, and then I will leave it alone: there is no doubt that there will be a cross-over in thought when we write about topics such as grief. I am not a prolific writer by any stretch of the imagination, but I am a published writer and a grieving human being. I started writing about grief in 2019. My friend ended her life, and shortly after, my dad got stage four colon cancer and died four months later, then a year later during peak COVID restrictions, which meant no face-to-face goodbye to my beloved grandmother besides my mom and her sister. My work means something to me and many others.
And for the person and or people who double down after being gently approached, that isn't an attack on you; it's a plea to find your voice and stop using others. The worst part is that you are deceiving yourself, which is hard enough. And to the other people she has also taken from you. I'm sorry it happened to you too. If someone else's work inspires you, credit them; there are ways to do that without extracting from one another.
Love,
Ange
Sorry for the typos lol