Living Life Off-ISH Social Media

OFFLINE BLING is a free newsletter about offline life musings, burnout recovery and personal essays. Thank you so much to those that have become paid subscribers. If you haven't, it would be a lot cooler if you did. If you don't get that movie reference, we had vastly different high school experiences. Thanks for taking the time to read and support my writing.

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I haven't been writing much these days, and yes, I sound like a broken record. When does this woman ever write? In my defence, I have been attempting to market my book Love Notes to Grievers for its United States launch, and I did just that. But I hit a health wall a few weeks ago and had to cancel some of my podcast dates and other plans. I feel pretty awful about that, but I'm here now, writing, and that’s something.

My SubStack is called OFFLINE BLING for those of you who are new here. Clever, I know, and this was before all that stuff happened between Drake and Kendrick, not that I liked his music to begin with. The title was catchy. My writing theme went up in smoke because it was predicated on reporting about my life, you guessed it, being offline. I could have changed the title; I might still, but honestly, I felt myself getting sucked back into the social media vortex. Grabbing for my phone is like a continuous reflex. I knew I had to explore being offline again for my nervous system's sake. I am offline lite because I still have some stuff to promote, but my usage has decreased substantially.

For those who don't have addictive tendencies, being unhealthily tied to social media may seem odd, but I know I am not the only one struggling, especially those of us who share our work or business there. But also, hand-up doom scrollers, disassociators? Secret creep accounts? A penchant for echo chamber soothing in social media land? Writing angry comments on strangers' feeds instead of tending to your pain?

The thing about social media and me is that my mind has no guardrails, and impulse control could be better. I want instant dopamine, always. I have more time than most; the no kids thing is a huge factor, and in that spare time, I should be writing, trying to figure out ways to make more money, but social media is an arm's reach away, fills the cup, but also it takes away most of my creative energy and brain cells. I can find an online drama rabbit hole you didn't know existed. If your brain isn't like mine, feel free to ask questions. It's a wild ride over at mine.

The last time I wrote here was May 11th, and if I had more than ten paid subscribers, I would feel stressed about that. (I paused everyone's subscriptions since then.) I wrote Across The World & Once In Mine: Violence Against Women. It was off-topic, but I felt inspired after watching several Vice short documentaries on YouTube. YouTube is another place where I spend too much time, but it's also where my free workout videos live. This piece didn't get any traction. It was hard to write, and my confidence took a hit. Am I too much of a downer talking about violence against women after six years of being silent on the subject—the reason tenderly shared in this piece. Are people unmoored with the doom and gloom of the world right now?

I've been off social media (lite) for two weeks, and that's all it takes for my nervous system to start unwinding. I feel baffled by the discourse and how people conduct themselves when I log back on for a hot minute. I went on a few days ago, where I saw some form of a call out from an account I've followed for years. They are cultural critics of the wellness world. It served me in my time of rage as I watched conspiracies thrive and grifters prey on scared people at the height of the pandemic because I saw it, too. I wrote about it as well.

The spat was between two men who both have relatively large platforms. It's weird to watch stuff like this go down when you have rules for how and what you will and won't engage on social media, specifically Instagram since that's where I mostly dwell. I'm three or four years-ish of being asshole free on the internet, with maybe a few slip-ups.

These guys were bantering back and forth in the comments section. A spiritual writer, anti-guru guy who acts like a guru, paraphrased by me, said,

"Jordan Peterson has some good points; his insights will live on. "

He also said something I agree with: "There is just as much hateful grift on the left." Yes, the grifters are on the left and right. Hell, he may even be one.

The other guy's screenshot said,

"Be aware that this is how ______ feels about Jordan Peterson. FYI," he posted anti-guru, guru guys' comment on his page, and then people went to town on him. It all feels so 2015 to me. The comment section was a fuck storm.

More from the anti-guru guru guy in comments about JP: paraphrased again,

"I like his loud voice for free speech; he calls out cancel culture. He doesn't put up with bullies; he doesn't cower to those who are jealous of him because he's a big deal, and some other stuff like that and that he will go down in the history books."

I prefer Clementine Morrigan for anti-cancel culture discourse, but that's just me.

Me on JP. I see a man who flings his trauma around. He's the least trauma-informed Psychologist who punches down for sport, and his word-salad tirades make my head spin. Also, I can't help but feel if he were a woman, there would be some institutionalized extended stays, but whatever, I don't care all that much. I'm for free speech and the shit that comes with it. Sometimes, he has some decent points if you have the time to pick through his rapid-fire delivery talking style.

This wee quarrel between these two grown men of the same world is a classic left-eating-themselves scenario, not that we all need to like each other or agree, but we can be so damn righteous and divisive sometimes.

I asked Chat GPT to sum up their work from a critical lens.

Anti-Guru, Guru guy

_________ writing and work, while deeply resonant with many, can be critiqued from several perspectives. His approach, centered around "grounded spirituality" and emotional healing, draws heavily on personal anecdotes and emotional language, which makes his work highly relatable but may also limit its depth in terms of philosophical rigor or scientific grounding. ______________ writing is heartfelt and often provides solace to readers looking for an emotionally rich spiritual framework. However, his work might be critiqued for its lack of empirical grounding, over-simplified spiritual ideas, and potential therapeutic overreach. For readers who prefer a more structured or intellectual approach, his focus on personal narrative and emotional catharsis might feel limited.

and

Call out Sally, whom resonates with my past (sometimes present) snarky self

______________ work and broader critiques of the wellness industry offer a sharp, necessary lens on the dangers of spiritual communities that can foster conspiracy theories, authoritarianism, or exploitative power dynamics. His deep knowledge of yoga and spiritual spaces allows him to make incisive critiques of harmful practices, and his focus on the psychological and sociocultural dimensions of wellness culture is insightful. However, his intellectual tone, personal bias, and focus on the negative aspects of spiritual movements can sometimes limit the accessibility and breadth of his critiques. A more balanced approach that acknowledges both the dangers and the benefits of spiritual practices might allow him to reach a wider audience and offer more nuanced solutions.

I logged off with a deep sigh. I share this to highlight the pros of staying off social media or curating your feed better than I do. And look, I get it. That's what the beat of the one guy is: to call out the hypocrisy he sees. I see it, too, but I prefer to criticize systems, dogma, and propaganda over the fostering of lambasting individuals on social media. It seems exhausting to debate people in a comments section, and it pushes many into the arms of the right.

For sanity reasons, I created rules of engagement for social media with people I disagree with, which has helped me be less reactive, less shit and pick my battles wisely. I understand my justice sensitivity better now and have found ways of caring for myself. I'm also not interested in building echo chambers around me to soothe my nervous system anymore; I prefer to get offline, move my body, go for a sauna, and hang out with real-life people.

I refuse to regurgitate talking points to show that I am on the good side, to do and say anything to remain relevant, especially when people demand that I speak on something without taking my whole person into context. That doesn't align with my morals or the work I want to do.

My Rules of Engagement On Social Media:

Rule #1: don't do things to people I don't want done to myself.

I check in with what's happening in my life and then ask myself these questions. 

Am I activated? (maybe logging off is the better move in this state)

Is this comment or DM the right method to share my argument, thoughts, opinion? Could I make better use of my time?

What am I really getting by yelling my discontent at a stranger on the internet?

Is this something I should bring to my therapist or a close friend?

Is my voice needed here? 

Is there something else I could be tending to? 

What am I gaining by inserting myself into this issue?

Do I know them personally? 

Is there someone else that can help this person? 

What am I offering this person? Especially if it's a stranger to me

Are you willing to put 100% of your energy into this and see it through if they engage? 

Do you have the energy for this? 

Does this person want to engage with me?

Am I treating this person how I want to be treated?

Should I be tending to what this is bringing up for me?

Am I dehumanizing someone else in the name of liberation?

Leave it for 48 hours. 

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9.9/10 times, I mind my business and focus on my life, the actual people in it, and my work.

If I see something I don't like, I keep scrolling. 

If I hear something I don't like, I turn it off. I don't demand people change for my comfort. 

If I see something fucked, I block it, remove myself or talk about it with a good friend. To each their own on this one. 

If you want to make a change, join a local cause or find ways of contributing that make you feel good and that you are not just pissing your time away with moral outrage on social media and in a frozen state.

I enjoy minding my own business, not being a people-pleaser anymore, and talking with some people I disagree with when I have the capacity. I try to remain curious and not dehumanize others (anymore). I also enjoy being offline because I have been more creative in the last few weeks than I have in a long while.

I look forward to sharing my observations, mostly OFFLINE and whatever else is on my mind.

If you haven't picked up your copy of my book. Here's the link to read about it.

———> LNTG wink.