A LITTLE BIT OF A LOT #3

April musings & shares

This is ALBOAL #3. It’s a little bit, a small taste, short notes, bullet points, a little something curated by moi. I collected things I feel are worth sharing. I hope that for the people who are subscribed to my newsletter that there is something for everyone.

Let’s go

---

#1- Starting off with some questions and reflections

Are you one of those highly aware/sensitive humans that feels the vibe shift when someone no longer wants to be in a relationship with you? Or connected to you? Maybe you noticed they no longer watch your stories, stopped liking your shit, and don’t check in, and when you do make contact, you can tell something is up?

How do you reconcile the energy shift? I think about this often because I am sensitive to it as I continue to unmask as a neurodivergent human. I find it fascinating and heartbreaking.

I have also been thinking about the undertone of the dominant culture to breed people to believe they must “pick sides” For example: if two friends are no longer friends and it wasn’t a massive blowout or cruel parting of ways, people still feel the need to push the other one out. It’s wild the stories we tell ourselves that we try so hard to make someone else wrong and need a posse of people to comfort us or validate our actions. I felt this deeply in grief. The anger was real. I guess that’s what friends are for. I guess it’s what we do to protect ourselves. I think that’s what we are taught. I am glad I am getting to a place where I don’t need people to validate my stories or that I need to make someone else “wrong” to feel whole. I don’t need to make anyone wrong for existing as they are, but we need to own our hurt. We all have our shit; sometimes, it gets overcoupled with our other trauma.

Knowing that people are talking all kinds of shit about you or feeling somewhat alienated from groups of people—all these things swirl around in my brain. I know I have been on both ends of this.

One thing I won’t do any longer--chase people who don’t want to speak to the shift or become more creative about moving past these tried binaries.

You can respond in the comments below. 

---

#2 - 100 Foot Wave

A special interest of mine is watching big wave surfers bomb down monster waves which is funny because I am terrified of the ocean, and I did not make it far in my swim lessons as a child. I still plug my nose when going under the water, which, as Paris Hilton says, “That’s hot.” I am obsessed with this show, and season two just came out.

---

#3- My Marriage Was Never the Same After That In 2016, I wrote a poem that went viral. My home life got complicated.

“When my husband traveled for work, I looked forward to his return — especially if the kids were sick or I had multiple deadlines of my own — but the daily fires were ones I was used to putting out myself. On the other hand, when I would call home from a trip, I remember feeling like I was in trouble. I’d made his life more difficult, and I might pay for that with the silent treatment or a cold reception when I returned home. I didn’t feel missed as a person, I felt missed as staff. My invisible labor was made painfully visible when I left the house. I was needed back in my post.”

Read here

---

#4- Grief and Neurodivegence

I sat down with Megan to talk about grief, my ADHD diagnosis and so much more. Check it out here or whatever listen platform you use.

---

#5- The Reading Room

Currently Reading: 

You could make this place beautiful- Maggie Smith

Maggie also wrote the cut article: My Marriage Was Never the Same After That In 2016, I wrote a poem that went viral. My home life got complicated and this book is an extension of that. She's a beautiful writer, and I am starting to get into the flow of this book.

---

Read this month: 

Grief Ally - Aly Bird 

If you have no idea how to support someone grieving a profound loss. If someone is pulling away from the support you offered or it was met with resistance, if you find you're defensive because of the feedback the grieving person in your life has provided, if you completely freeze up and go silent. If you feel triggered or activated by someone else's grief or how they are processing their loss or who they are now. If you have the urge to bolt from their sadness, if your life is too full to hold much space outside of what's in front of you. If you feel overwhelmed and confused. If you find you're trying to take away their pain or waiting for the person to "get back to their normal self,"

Please read this book for love for baby Jesus and other deities you love. We are not taught the skills of holding space for grieving hearts, so we must take the time to learn them. Find it on Amazon.

---

Different Not Less - Chloe Hayden 

I enjoyed this book since I, too, have a brain difference. Chole is autistic and shares her story of growing up and finding her way. Navigating bullying, being pulled out of school and having supportive parents to help her.

---

Paris- Paris Hilton

I had no idea about Paris's upbringing and that she, too, has ADHD. She vulnerably shares about being dragged out of her bed and thrown into Provo Canyon School, a highly abusive reform school for troubled teens.

---

#6 -So so beautiful worth the watch

4 minutes long

---

#7 Grief Wisdom

“People will say, ‘Let me know what you need.’

That's not helpful.

Expecting the person who's bereaved to be able to identify what they need from you is like giving a non-mathematician a very complex math problem and telling them, ‘Figure out the answer and then let me know what it is.’

What the bereaved need is that friend, that neighbor, that family member to say, ‘Hey, I'm gonna pick up the kids today,’ or ‘I’m going to bring food.’

So, being very concrete about the help that's being offered would truly help the bereaved as opposed to just saying, ‘My deepest condolences. Let me know if you need anything.’”

-Cristina M Chipriano, LCSW-S, director of Spanish Programs and Outreach at Bo’s Place, was is featured in Speaking Grief.

---

If you missed it

My latest essays/articles

"I MADE A MISTAKE" WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR SOME TO SAY? read here

Defined by Brené Brown: Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is “I am bad.” Guilt is “I did something bad.” How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, “I'm sorry. I made a mistake?” How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I’m sorry. I am a mistake.

KNOW YOUR CIRCLE, read here

Susan Silk and Barry Goldman developed a concept called the “Ring Theory.” I found it helpful, so maybe you will too. I like to call them circles. I put my spin on it, so feel free to read the original article linked.

---

See you next month !

Ange